Saturday, May 17, 2014

Stop Touching My Baby!

Okay folks, let's be real here.
We all love babies, right?
They are especially adorable, and sweet, and if you're lucky like me,
always well behaved in the store.
And particularly cute.


But I cannot seem to avoid the inevitable,
random ass people in the grocery store
(the germiest place in the whole damn world I swear)
from touching him!
I mean, I don't understand this fucking phenomenon where you think it's okay to put your hands on a stranger's child. 
Someone wanna explain this to me?

I've gone to lengths to try and avoid this, for real.
And I'm not just some randomly protective mother.
I was totally at ease with things before I took a premie exit class at the hospital.
[My son was 7 weeks premature, bee tee dubs.]
In case you've never been to one, let me break it down for you:
"Here are the twenty ways your baby can die.
Here are the additional forty ways your baby can die because he was premature."
Swearsies. That was the content of the class.
It scared the ever living piss out of me.

I didn't take my son outdoors save for grandparents' houses until he was probably two months old nearly.
And that was only after I made both grandmas get their tdap shots because they couldn't keep them out of their faces.
[I won't get into that one how badly I grit my teeth]
Then when I started taking him to grocery stores and people always surprised me by thinking it was totally normal to just reach on in there and touch him.
I'm like...seriously...what the fuck?
And it always takes me by surprise!
Because I'm like I would never touch a stranger's child. That's rude.
And yet there it goes and I'm left flabbergasted.
Someone even had the balls to grab his binkie and stick it in his mouth.
It just boggles me. Boggles me.

So I go to an additional length and every time I'm alone I take him in his wrap.

I thought this clearly sent the message that I had no real interest in sharing my child with your germs.
But lo and behold, yesterday, I was confounded again. 
I was out on a quick tampon and candy run,
because those two always go together, right?
And a woman stopped and asked me how old my baby was, etc, 
and then she started stroking his back through the wrap.
And I'm just....dumbfounded.
She's like seriously not only in his bubble, but mine.
Talking way too close, and all I can think is
What do you honestly think you're doing?

Maybe I was just lucky in the fact that no one ever randomly rubbed my belly.
Maybe I'm just super paranoid as remnant from that class.
I swear I don't make my family sanitize nearly as often anymore!
But this just puzzles me. Truly and fully confuses me.

Anyone care to share some light?
Or maybe some suggestions as to how to let someone know this isn't okay?
I never know what to say because I am always in a state of shock as to why someone is doing this.
Did this bother you too? Or am I totally alone...

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