Saturday, January 31, 2015

Blog Makeover Giveaway Winners!

So major thanks to each and every one of you that entered my giveaway!
I'm so stoked to be able to work on graphic design again in this community.
I have my fingers crossed for some really amazing inspiration and results.

And because I was so amped, 
I decided not only to give away two makeovers, as advertised,
but bump it up to three!

Y'all are so awesome
and I'm stoked to be slowly circulating once again in these circles.
So congratulations are in order to:

Brenda M!
Amanda!
and last but not least,
Pamela M B!

I will be emailing you all shortly with the details,
and thanks to everyone who joined the giveaway once again!
Looking forwards to sharing some stellar designs created for these
amazing winners!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Putting My Heart Out There

So I realize that my track record is not spotless,
at least not for the past year or so.
And I'm not going to promise grandiose plans of upheaval and delight
of every day posts and glorious projects.
Because frankly? 
I know I probably won't deliver.

But what I want to do is write.
Write from my heart, and write what I want to.
When I want to. 
[Because frankly, I hate trying to schedule my blog posts for some 
bright sunny morning time thinking more people will see it.]
I'm tired of focusing on doing things so people will see.
So people will like it.
So people will like me.

I know I'm most likely starting from scratch here again,
and that's okay. Mostly because I don't want to feel pressure.
I want to be able to talk about how I'm feeling, what I'm dealing with,
what's going on from time to time.
Not because I think people will be raptly paying attention,
nor to get my blog out there as one of the fabulous must reads and awesome inspirations!
But mostly because I need it.
I need to expel some things occasionally,
and cut myself some slack. Like we all do.

So why the sudden revelation?
Because my poor husband (who is sick by the way)
had to be there with me last night at 4 AM as I sobbed.
Told him I was exhausted trying to hold onto the strings of my life so tightly.
Tell him that I was so ashamed because I couldn't seem to make myself better.
That my mantra of 'hold on for just a little longer and it'll turn around' wasn't holding water anymore.
That I felt so bad that I wasn't at 100%, and that I hadn't been for some time now.
That I wasn't being all I could be, doing all I could do, that I used to do, for my husband and what all I wanted to do for my son.
How it had felt so good to finally be normal and successful with my family for the past four years,
instead of feeling that tension because I know my parents don't understand what I'm going through
and they all but hold their breath in fear that I'll lose it or they'll set me off.
But it's coming back, and I can feel it.
Because I haven't been good for a while now.
How desperately I just wanted to remain good in their eyes, 
and just be normal. To continue to just feel normal.
And not broken. Tired. Weak. and Wrong.

But I had to admit last night that I felt all those things again because I was suffering.
Suffering through depression.
And had been...for a good while.
I didn't want to admit it, and didn't want it to be anything beyond all that was going on.
Because I admit. There's been a lot going on. Back to back to back to back.
Deaths...miscarriages...financial tension.
It's been here and been here and been here.
An exhausting cycle that I've been just trying to push through.
And I am just...tired of pushing through and that being the entire center of my focus.
I want to have time and motivation and desire for other things.
For cooking for my family. For cleaning my house. For playing with my son.
Instead of simply expending what small amount of energy I have in simply getting up out of bed.
Even as I write this I cringe.
Hopelessly ashamed of the truth of the matter.
I can't help it. and I've always felt so alone in the fact that I'm the only member of my family
who seems to be coping with this sort of condition.
Or who ever has. 
It makes it so I can't admit it to anyone,
not even my husband,
until I'm so exhausted that I can't hardly breathe. 

But I want to get better.
Do better than 'just getting through'.
My family doesn't deserve me at just getting through.
They deserve me at my best. Happy. Delighted in life.
Who I normally am.

And while I know most won't have the time to stop by,
maybe as I continue they will.
Or someone will read this at four in the morning and feel some bit of kinship.
Feel not so alone, because that's the worst part about all of this for me.
That I feel so alone in my problems with it.
That I can't just be normal and happy like everyone else.
That I can't hardly relax unless I'm asleep because I'm working too hard to keep my head above water.
Maybe someone out there understands. And will feel relieved that they're not alone.

I know I'd like that some day.



Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Giveaway Reminder & Bargain for Your Help!

I wanted to give a quick reminder, first and foremost, of the awesome blog makeover giveaway I'm holding in order to dig my fingers back into the fun of designing and gaining creative outlets once more at my fingertips!
There's not too many entries yet so high value on you in order to win! 
Besides, who couldn't use a fresh face for the new year?

But that's not the only hope I have with today's post! 
There's also another offee I'd like to provide to really however many would enjoy it!
You see, I'm a dedicated cake maker. I love making cakes for all occasions, 
and while I'm working on making an entry into the local market here, 
I've been searching for a way to connect those skills outwards as well to a more diverse community.
As such, I've found a way to do so bu providing cupcake (and possibly eventually cake toppers) custom made from fondant! 
Isn't that awesome? 
I hope you think so, because I'm absolutely excited.
Now. Here comes my offer to you!

I'm looking for people with a need and an idea of what they may be desiring for such an occasion.
And what I'd provide is a discounted rate to make you your toppers so I can build my portfolio! 
I do offer some show based ideas so far
(Paw patrol and Sofia the First thus far)
But I'd also love to do any theme that fits your party! 
[A dozen run around $20 normally, so we may work something out as much as 50% off depending on the design! ]
Nautical? Sea life? Mustaches? Ducks? Rain clouds? Initials? 
The limits are endless and I'm open to nearly any suggestion should you be interested in helping me out!

If interested, please leave a comment here with your email or get in touch with me directly through etsy!  Even if you're unable to order currently, I'm always open to ideas for themes! Go ahead and leave me some inspiration!
I look forwards to hearing from everyone and hope you are enjoying a quiet day like my family is! 
[Even if I am the only one not sick]

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Random Super Secret [But Not Really] Blog Makeover Giveaway

So I know it's been entirely enough time by now that most of you have moved on.
I'm surely guilty of the same novelty if one of my blogs I follow goes offline for a long period of time.
Besides, I feel as if my words are most likely echoing to deaf ears.
But I find myself simply at a loss for creative outlet.

I have several fingers in several different pots, as it were,
currently trying to circulate myself for exposure to wage war on a creative craft once more.
And so far?
bupkiss

Yup. Big ol' goose egg. My ventures have turned up next to diddly.
Meaning squat.
I know this is most likely my own fault for not being outspoken enough.
Involved in enough networking, 
both locally and non locally,
to really get things off to a progressive start.
Mainly because I have this awful habit of not believing in myself,
and so, I don't tell people I know about my personal ventures,
that way if it doesn't work out?
No one has to know!
Genius right?
Cept not so much.

So I'm looking to get back on the map graphic design wise.
I dabbled and did some really awesome layouts for people, 
and my graphic skills and understanding of coding have only improved from there.
So I figured one way to get back into the public eye,
so to speak, is to...
HOST A GIVEAWAY!


That's right, my need is your gain.
Below you'll find TWO opportunities to win yourself a free blog makeover.
[I haven't experimented with wordpress much yet, but given the opportunity, I'd love to try it!]
Just follow the typical instructions below and get yourself some entries!
Look forwards to seeing and hearing from all of you!


sharing on Mingle Monday