the girl with the toxic mind

frankly, there's been no big secret, scare, or major life problem that has kept me away.

frankly, I feel a little like a failure, as I often do when I don't keep up appearances.

frankly, I'm not entirely sure if I should even be writing right now, but I'm in a bubble bath, with nothing but time on my hands. 

a few things that have changed in my life:

I lost my job. Apparently I just never felt comfortable enough. But the solution to my discomfort is also being let go. I'm still not entirely sure how that one was supposed to work.

my sister and my four month old nephew velociraptor have moved in with me. She left her baby's father, and needed a healthy and stable place to get back on her feet. So my husband and I volunteered. So far, things are working out fairly well.

I'm still raising a three month old coon hound. he's a monster , but just handsome enough to be tolerable. I am still struggling somewhat in learning how to live successfully with him, but I don't want to get rid of him...today..

things I'm feeling guilty about:

I still don't know if I'll be able to start blogging like I was again. Frankly I don't blame those who I'm sure have already moved on from me. I miss it...at times... But at the same time, I still have problems being totally frank and candid. with anyone in my life. you'd think the relative anonymity od blogging would appeal that way. But I still get caught up in expectations.

I have hundreds of unread e-mails. Thank you for anyone who has asked about me or tried in some way to lend support. My friend Rae, my darling dear, has even resorted to letters since I went off the grid. I don't deserve her. Really. 

(by the way, Rae, if you read this, I love your letters. Warden loved his bone. I have pictures I've been meaning to post)

I can't make both Thanksgivings this year. I feel really terrible, but I dropped the ball in arranging it so we could. No one's upset with us, but I can't stop worrying. I feel like I failed and I just want everyone happy.

what's really been going on:

if you'd follow my past, in terms of relations with groups of people, you'd see a pattern emerge. the pattern is that I have something happen...something a normal person would let interrupt their thoughts and schedules for say a few days. well I do that...maybe a few days extra, but then my toxic cocktail kicks in.

I seem to have a special blend of anxiety and depression that truly screws me over. You see, I get depressed about something and retreat from my normally scheduled life. but then, when I feel possibly feel up to trying to reenter said stream, my anxiety grabs hold. I fret and worry and think it's been too long. people will be upset with me. people won't want to interract with me anymore anyway. they'll be angry. so I retreat even more. sort of beat them to the punch. I used to be so bad I'd never pick up the phone because I was so terrified it'd be someone somehow angry or upset. This particular problem did me no favors in college.

not that I'm helpless...or have something the matter with me that isn't manageable. I know many people have much crappier problems than I. I've been medication free for going on three years now.

(not much of an accomplishment really, but it's something to say)

regardless... I guess I just wanted to try and explain for a moment some of the  inner mechanisms of my mind. I still don't have it right. and I know that. i think it's probably one of the hardest things in the world to try and explain a ... mind difficulty... to someone who doesn't experience it. it's like trying to explain to a bird what being a human is like, but not knowing how to speak fluent cockatoo. i feel like I don't have the words to express my meanings. and yet, i still try occasionally...

Scavenger Hunt Link Up!

Hey y'all!

It's that day!
[In best Stuart Little voice, err his brother actually]

"It's today! It's today!"

hehe

Is everyone ready for linking up their awesome scavenger hunt finds?

I bet so!

Well let's get going shall we?

Here's what I found!

WILD:

So my wild spot is going to be taken up by another blogger.
Elizabeth from Love is the Adventure
I'm not entirely sure why, but I feel drawn to her.
I don't get to read her blog as often as I'd like, but she's pretty amazing.
And always super fun and supportive when I do get a chance to chat at her!
So my wild goes to her! <3

POST YOU'VE READ MORE THAN ONCE:


This post right here.

It's a great post when it comes to shorter hair styles.
It has a great list of several different styles, and her videos are pretty good too.
These were a definite life saver when my hair was in that awkward growing out stage.
(Not that I totally believe it's not still in that phase haha)


GOOFY PICTURE OF A FAV BLOGGER:

the lovely gentri lee
Come on, who doesn't love an eighties prom?!

FAVORITE RECIPE FIND:

That would be this bomb casserole.
I'm not huge on breakfast foods, so I always have to do something like this to eat them.
And I have to say, this is probably one of the yummiest recipes to make,
and super super easy.
Gah makes me want it just thinkin about it.

FAVORITE CRAFT FIND:


This skirt and faux sock combo is super amazingly adorable.
It actually inspired me to make my own.
I don't wear it too often, but I really like it none the less.
A very good feminine thing I wore in summer, easy and effortless.
I even wore it with a pair of tights to work one day.

BLOGGER BFF:


Psh. That's an easy one.
Rae!
She's pretty much one of the most amazing ladies I know.
And I already consider her a very dear friend.
We write super long email trilogies to one another,
and she is one of those girls who, if she writes to you, you know you'll come away with a smile.
I have a feeling she's going to be a life long friend.
One of those friends that...even when you don't talk as often...
It doesn't matter.
You'll just get one of those emails, and it's just the same as it always was.

POST I EMPATHIZE WITH:

This post by Megan is one that has still stuck with me.
It is one that speaks of a topic I very much am apart of, anxiety.
And any time someone has the courage to speak so openly of it,
I admire them. I don't oftentimes speak of my own,
I think probably because I'm not comfortable enough with it.
I still hope it's just one of those phases that will go away,
like bell bottoms or polio.


PICTURE OF A GREAT BLOGGER SMILE:

Okay so technically this isn't like a conventional toothy smile,
but I loved the picture so much I couldn't help it.
I love popping over to the Near Sighted Owl
when I get a chance and seeing what she's been up to.
She's very much an empowering presence,
and I love seeing her style.

POST THAT CAN MAKE ME SNORT MILK:

Okay so I'm kind of cheating on this one.
I tried to pick my favorite but just couldn't.
I'll just say that just about any post made by Julie over at The Funny Thing of it is
Will do that to me.
I get told I have a great sense of humor,
and I'm not entirely sure why.
I'm usually pretty dry and I can come off as harsh sometimes.
But hey, this gal makes me bust into giggles nearly every time I see a post.
Who can't appreciate 50 shades of stupid?

MY GO TO BLOGGER(S):

I had to go with a tie on this one ladies.
Because I have two that I would consider go to bloggers.
Either for advice, or support, or just a sweet hello.
And they are:
mk from From The Guest Room,
or if I want a closer to home reference,
I go to Katlyn from The Dreamy Meadow.

Now, let's get to the super good parts!

THE PRIZES!

I'm dancin I'm dancin!

[okay if you don't get that reference, then I'll explain later]

Now Vana, show em what they can win...

Ladies and gents you should be totally stoked!
I know I am!
Because honestly, come on, that is some awesome grab bag material!
Some sweet ad spaces, and some new custom made greatness!
I want to thank all my ladies who donated to our little giveaway,
and you should too!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Bloggy Scavenger Hunt! [LIST UP!]

Hey all! It's totally time for that super fun thing everyone has been looking forwards to!  BLOGGY SCAVENGER HUNT!   Today is just the list up, but it gives you one week to get your lists together! We will all be looking for things that fit into the same ten categories, but the magic of this is going to be that we all read different blogs. We are all touched by different things. We all see beautiful as something different. AND I LOVE THAT!
I'm looking forwards to emphasizing that, and I cannot wait to see what y'all come up with! Also, there are some super fab-tastic girls who are going to be helping on this journey! I have kept their identities a super secret until now, but here it is!
The big reveal!
[click the birdy above for a quick tweet-out about the amazing!]
Now see, what these girls are going to be doing for me is this; They're going to be hosting the link up on their blogs too! That way we can have as many people exposed to it as possible! I want this to be a communal sharing thing,  and as such have recruited these awesome ladies to help spread the word! Now, onto the other part of the awesome reveal! The reveal of what y'all will actually be searching for! Are you ready?!

[easy tweet the list ;) ]

So now you have just about everything you could possibly need!

Don't forget that the link up will happen

OCTOBER 1ST

That gives you a week from now to go through your blogs to find some stellar answers.

I seriously can't wait to see what y'all come up with!

Also, the link up and giveaway will be up for about a week.

This'll give you a little time to make sure you can come have fun and participate!

And oh yes, about the giveaway,

It's not too late to earn your free entry with that little RSVP.

Also, in case you're interested and haven't found one yet,

here's a button to share the love!

<center> <a href=" http://littlehomemadehousewife.blogspot.com/2012/09/scavenger-hunt-awesome-info.html "> <img border="0" src="http://i487.photobucket.com/albums/rr239/keirahaloucast/buttoncopy-4.png"/></a></center>

Prizes will be announced Monday with the link up,

as well as the availability of winning them!

Thanks to all in advance who come and participate!

I look forwards to seeing you ALL there!!

xox

Scavenger Hunt Awesome Info!

Hey y'all!

Are you ready for some super amazing awesome coming your way??

I know that I am! You should be too!

You are, right?

RIGHT!

Baylee has one...

Tico & Tina too!

and of course Katlyn!

Have you been seeing these amazing buttons popping up everywhere??

I have! I feel like I've handed them out like campaign buttons!

And there's been lots of people asking for all the details for the upcoming

BLOGGY SCAVENGER HUNT!

And today is your lucky day because I just so happen to have them!
Ready for this amazing awesome good time?
Of course you are!

Here's what's going down:

Well, basically, it's going to be a unique way to promote just what it is blogging is all about,

Our Community.

We're always looking for ways to help support one another,

and what better way to do it than by having some great times and playing a game!?

 Basically what's going to happen is I'm going to put up a list.

This list is going to contain ten different items you're going to search for. 

They can be posts, pictures, just about anything I figure out before the list goes live.

Which is September 24th!

Then you're going to have one week to search out those awesome things.

While everyone is going to have the same set of things to look for,

people are going to come up with lots of different answers, 

because we all read different blogs,

we all know different people,

we all have different things that appeal to us!

That's the beauty of it!

Then, we're going to do a community link up.

This'll happen October 1st!

I already have some fabulous co-hosts signed up,

and they're going to be hosting the link up on their blog too!

[They're going to be a surprise until the official List up!]

That way there will be tons of places to link up so we can all have a great time!

I'm hoping for a really awesome turn out!

But wait Johnny, there's more!!

There is also going to be a funtastic giveaway!

A nice pack of fun and easy prizes that will go to one lucky winner!

Because come on, all scavenger hunts have prizes!

We already have a few different fabulous ladies giving away some things for our awesome event.

But if you're interested!

I'm still taking donations and co-host spots. 

I think that you can't have too many co-hosts. I want this to be as big and beautiful as possible!

And maybe if there's enough interest and a high enough turn out, there'll be a round two!

Donations for prizes would be super fantastic.

Just small fun stuff that will be an excellent little prize package for the lucky winner.

So are you guys totally amped?!

I know I am!

Can you tell? 

{hehe}

Only a few more small details to share!

ONE:

<center> <a href=" http://littlehomemadehousewife.blogspot.com/2012/09/scavenger-hunt-awesome-info.html "> <img border="0" src="http://i487.photobucket.com/albums/rr239/keirahaloucast/buttoncopy-4.png"/></a></center>

Here's my thuper fantastic button to share around!

The more people that hear about this the more awesome it's gonna be!

So feel free to take one.

TWO:

If you'd like to participate more than just linking up 

which of course isn't necessary but is awesome!

please don't hesitate to email me!

THREE:

This is something new I'd like to try just for fun.

I'm going to open up an impromptu little RSVP.

For my own curiosity, I'd love to see how many of you are thinking you'll link up.

This is in no way binding or a have to thing either.

But if you do fill out my little area down below here,

when the link up goes live, I'll email you a super awesome passphrase,

and it'll get you a free entry into the giveaway!

How sweet is that??

All right folks!
There you have it!
All the details you need to participate in this super fly event.

Don't forget, next Monday, the 24th, the list will go live!

I hope to see you then!!

My Saturday Night [Cheap Date Night]

Last night my hubby and I had an awesome date night.

Seriously, it was super fun and romantic,

and wanna know the best part?

It was super free!!

Mmhm that's right. 

We did date night at our house.

And while we know it could be a better set up,

we still had fun last night and enjoyed ourselves.

Right from our front porch.

Indeed my friends.

We had a good ol fashioned drive in night.

We watched The Big Miracle.

Which, for us, was okay. 

The reason for that I think is the fact we'd known the actual story.

We knew what was going to happen.

Plus it did play more as a documentary,

and because we'd already seen a pretty extensive account of it,

it was kind of already predetermined.

But we still had a really good time.

Wanna know why?

Because we were together and doing something fun.

This is our little set up, with our projector and our dvd player.

The couch cushions doubled as a foot rest and a bed for our dog.

Did the dog utilize said bed, as she normally does inside?

Of course not. She sat in our laps the entire time.

And when it started getting a little chilly, inside my sweatshirt.

This is the infamous Mr. White.

He was nomming on his subway, and doesn't he look philosophical there?

He might have been, I can't quite remember.

He was most certainly talking about something or another.

Me?

I was just nomming on my subway.

It was quite nummy.

I highly recommend that if you can swing this somehow at your house,

you most definitely should.

Our projector is really quite old, and one we got for a bargain after the school didn't want it anymore.

We don't use it really super often,

but when we do use it, it's always a real blast.

Besides, our drive in here has started charging by person!

And they're being a stickler about outside food and drinks.

I'm sorry, but personally, for me, that was the appeal of the drive in.

It was cheap, and you could just kind of chill out in your car with whatever you brought.

Did I most often still visit the snack bar? Of course.

I'm hoping that maybe we'll still be able to go there one day, my husband and I.

We've both been over the course of our lives,

but we've never been together.

But I got to say, last night was probably even better.

So yes, I just wanted to share the adorable-ness with you today!

[Feels weird posting on a Sunday haha]

Some things coming up to look forwards to!:

Tomorrow will be the official informational post about the Bloggy Scavenger Hunt!

You should definitely be here to read all about it.

[and maybe there's an opportunity to earn free entries for the giveaway ;) ]

Also, Thursday, we're finally going to go pick up Warden!!

Isn't that exciting??

We made our first purchase for him yesterday.

His little ID tag. It's got camo all over the back.

We also bought him some bandannas that I need to sew onto his collar.

We're going to be vlogging our trip to Portland and picking him up to share with you for coffee on Friday!

Isn't that super awesome fantastic?!

I've never done a vlog before, so you'll have to bear with me.

Anyway, I think that's about it.

Have a great rest of your weekend everyone and can't wait to hear from you again!

4 Simple Goals Before 2013

So today I was reading a post by a good friend of mine, mk from From the Guest Room.

She's pretty amazing, and honestly, is probably the girl I accredit where I am now in blogging to.

She was the first one I ever reached out to in my frail little hopes that we could swap ads.

She was the first one to accept, and the first one to encourage me to continue to branch out.

She has always been SUPER supportive in nearly everything I try,

as well as always stopping by to leave a friendly comment or two.

I truly cherish her.

The post speaks on 4 simple goals before 2013.

She found it elsewhere, and now I'm borrowing it from her.

I think it's an admirable idea, especially since I don't particularly invest in new year's resolutions.

These ones seem much more manageable.

She speaks on these goals making life richer and happier on a daily basis.

I think that most of mine fall under that category. 

Okay, are you ready?

one:

Successfully integrate and potty train Warden.

Also successfully pick him up from Portland, relatively stress free

The day is getting close to when we finally get to meet that little guy!

[Somewhere around the 21st I'm told]

And I'm super excited.

It pretty much rules my mind about every third thought.

two:

Stick to our healthy eating/living plans.

We've been doing fairly well lately,

especially with portion control, which is where we're mainly focusing.

I'd like to try and keep up better with exercise, and I'm sure having a new puppy will help with that.

 Also, we bought seventy dollars worth of ground turkey for 13 bucks. How awesome is that??

three:

Show my husband my appreciation for him each and every day.

I hope to make his lunch on a more regular basis as part of this.

I love making his lunch. Makes me feel homey and domestic.

Plus I know he'll think of me at his lunch period and how much I care about him.

But I hope to begin doing it more consistently and in bigger ways as part of this goal.

He deserves more than I could ever give him, I feel like I want to try harder.

four:

Have a more positive outlook on a more consistent basis.

I usually have a pretty sunny disposition, but negativity tends to creep in more than it ought to,

especially when I'm tired.

So I'm hoping to focus on being a more consistently positive person,

and perhaps especially at work, where I can spread a smile to every person who comes to my window.

All right!
Those are mine.

What are yours?

If you decide to share yours, be it here in comments or in a post of your own,

I'd love to see it!

7 Questions AH GOD I MISSED ONE!

Shame shame on me.

Last week apparently I spaced 7 questions,

which is one of my fav link ups to do,

and one that I usually drag myself out of my bloggy doldrums to participate in.

So for that I am very sorry.

Indeed, quite regretable.

BUT! AM BACK ON THE WAGON!

So let's go!

1. Do you have any weird food combinations that you love?

HMMM. Weird? That question strikes me funny, because 'weird' things I eat, don't seem weird to me. But might to others, I guess. HUM.

Spray cheese and microwave tacos. Indeed. If you haven't tried it, you are not allowed to judge. They are amazing, and a total college born food. And by microwave tacos, I mean those little mini ones that you can buy in the frozen section by the taquitos?

Also, I could probably eat buffalo sauce on just about anything. YUM.

I also eat cottage cheese on my baked potatoes. My husband thinks that's weird. I personally don't.

2. Have you ever written a blog post, published it, then immediately deleted it?

I have not. I have written a blog post before that I intended to publish, then chickened out. It was kind of rage-y and not very nice, so I decided not to post it. But sometimes I've wondered if I should delete something after I posted it. 

3. What is a hair style you wish you could pull off, but would never be brave enough to try?

This question does not compute. I don't have a hair style I wouldn't be brave enough to try. I have literally had my hair in just about every style there is. Except maybe dread locks, but I don't want to pull that off. Not a fan. But I've had it uber short, long, big, sleek, pink purple red black. So yeah, I don't have a fear of doing things with my hair. OH! Okay, wait, just thought of one. and I only won't try it because my husband is a freak about symmetry and he would kind of have a tic when looking at me. 

That hairstyle right there. I think it's super sexy and edgy and I love it. But now that I have a job I'd probably not be able to do it, also like I mentioned, hubby, symmetry, it's an odd kink.

4. Would you rather have to always use the sun to tell the time or directions by the stars?

Oooo good question. Goo Gentri. Hmm. Probably tell directions by the stars. I have a horrid directional sense, so actually finding a basis for myself might be an actually nice change of pace. Besides, I dislike staring at the sun. No bueno.

5. What is a fall trend that you are excited to try?

Ah god. I'm so not on the trend band wagon. I want it to be fall, desperately, for the pure and simple fact that I want to wear cooler clothes. Clothes I can snuggle into. Drink hot chocolate and eat cookies. But as far as trends, I honestly don't know what they are! 

*Presses pause to research a moment*

Okay. I am so all for big cozy sweaters. YES PLEASE!

And so NOT into burgandy pvc rain coats?

Not even the models look good in that yo.

Contrasting collars. Now that I could get behind.

[Save for I'd have to buy them.]

Source for these trends

6. Who is your style icon?

Hmm... style icon. Big position there. I'm not sure I really have one, as far as well known people go.

Though I really do love watching Leesha.

She's super talented in make up, and I love doing mine off her tuts.

She seems so super sweet and caring, I just want to be her friend haha.

 I'm not sure if I ever do want to have a 'style icon'.

I think, personally, I try to emulate people I look up to in looks a bit too much.

And it makes me feel bad about myself, if I don't feel like I live up to it.

So to have an icon, well, I don't know. I just want to try and love me, and look like me.

7. What's your favorite outdoor activity?

Hmm that's a toughy. Maybe grilling, at least lately. I'm not sure if that's considered very outdoorsey, if we're meaning active wise. I just love chilling with my husband and smelling the smoke and the food. It's a really nice time to just be together, talk, and relax.

 

Don't forget to go see Gentri and say hey and see what awesomesauce she came up with.

As well as everyone else who links up!!

OH oh oh wait.

P.S!

I am thinking of putting together something super fun soon.

I am thinking of doing what I'm going to call a Bloggy Scavenger Hunt.

It's going to be a way to promote other bloggers, as well as just have some fun and laugh together.

I hope some of you are interested,

and it'll be a link up, and maybe even a giveaway for participating!

Who knows?!

Anyway, I hope y'all think it'll be fun!

Katlyn did!

I will post more about it soon, and see what kind of nibbles I have in interest!

Toodles!